5 ways to get revenge on your kids

They're cute. We love them. But sometimes, they make us insane. "Revenge" may sound like too strong a word, but let's be honest: sometimes you want to get back at the little buggers.

Some of these are real, some are not, and some just go too far. I'll indicate what I think about each. None of these acts will, as far as I know, lead to your children placing you in an old-age home run by people who were deemed too mean for dental school. But use your own judgment.

-    Repurposing dinner: you know that chicken I cooked that you refused to eat? Here. You can have it for lunch. (This, I have done. In fact, I did it today.)
-    Take them to the wrong movie: Batman? Nah. We're seeing "Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants 2." (This, I would not do, mostly because I can't imagine seeing any film about pants that travel. But if you like that sort of thing, give it a try.)
-    Replace their CDs with something you like better: goodbye Wiggles, hello Elvis Costello! (This, I have not done, but I might try it.)
-    Sing those annoying songs that they like in public: Loudly. Can't recall doing this but it's entirely possible that, after a sleepless week of 2am nappy changings, that I did.
-    Speak in gibberish if you catch them getting high: This was on an episode of "My Wife and Kids". The parents, Damon Wayans and Tisha Campbell-Martin, speak sloooowwly, wear the strangest clothes they can find, and pretend to see things that aren't there. It was quite amusing, and it definitely scared "their kid" straight. Of course, that's on TV, but this could work. Certainly more fun than the standard "drugs are bad, bad, bad" speech.

I know there must be other ways to get back at 'em that I missed. Anyone got a good one? After all, it takes a village.

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