Controversy: When You Can’t “Stay-At-Home” Forever

Sometimes it's easy to predict which posts will strike a nerve here on the 'Derby, but other times it's not so obvious.  I was pretty surprised, for example, at the comments that poured in responding to my post, "Would You Respect A "Stay-At-Home Wife?"

Readers were divided in their opinions about this trend.  haylmerri wrote, "My sister-in-law is a stay at home wife. I totally judge her. Why did she go to all the trouble of earning a degree just so she can sit at home all day long?"  Representing the other side, lilacorchid pointed out, "Just because someone doesn't earn money for their day's accomplishments at home doesn't mean they are not contributing to society in some way or working hard at what they do."

But the comment that really got to me was diera's, who observed, "If I were going to pursue that path, I'd want my husband to have a TONNE of life insurance and to have signed some kind of pre-nup guaranteeing me support, because were he to die or divorce me after I'd spent twenty years exploring my creative outlets and baking cookies, I'd be screwed where earning capacity is concerned."  Because this is a big question, whether you're a stay-at-home wife or stay-at-home mom.  Given the high divorce rates, it's probable that many of us who decided to stay home for whatever reason will find ourselves forced to seek gainful employment ten, twenty or thirty years later.  And, in most cases that extended absence from the workforce will leave us "screwed."

I have to say, this bothered me a lot less eleven years ago, when I decided not to use my two masters' degrees and instead to stay home and have kids.  I really believed that my husband's money was our money, and that I was contributing jointly to the household.  Now, though, that financial inequity makes me feel a lot more insecure.  And it's not that my marriage isn't stable – it is.  I've just come to hate the feeling that if I had to solely support myself and my kids right now, I'd have a really tough time finding a full-time gig that paid better than waiting tables.  Honestly, my best bet would probably to be to spend all day playing poker online — a profitable hobby I have right now going on the side.

So, I'm curious:  have any of you stay-at-homes taken steps to ensure you'll be able to return to work if the need arises?  I can't believe I'm the only one out there worrying about it!