I have never been anti-Disney snob; I don’t understand the freelance disregard for something that clearly brings joy to so many kids. But when my parents invited me and my children on a weekend trip to Disney World, I was torn. I’d never so much as been on an airplane with my three- and one-year-old boys, and I viewed Disney as the Everest of toddler travel; the gear, the physical labour and the planning were all tremendously intimidating. We not only lived through the trip, but loved (virtually) every minute of it. Here are some tips to make sure you will, too.
Five Tips for Surviving a Disney Vacation
BE THE CRAZY OLD LADY AT BREAKFAST.
At the end of breakfast, open up your nappy bag, take out some zip-lock bags and put everything left on the table into plastic and then into your bag. Yes, you may be channelling the dementia-addled frequenters of early bird dining. But when your three-year-old starts crying on the monorail that he is "so hungry," you will take out your half-eaten Mickey waffle and feel like you are the Best Parent Ever – which, for that one shining moment, you will be.
IF A RIDE HAS NO LINE, THAT RIDE IS YOUR FRIEND.
The line to board Dumbo’s Flight at the Magic Kingdom: up to three hours. The length of the ride itself: 90 seconds. And I cannot tell you how many people I saw who had clearly waited at least an hour with their squirming spawn to go on Dumbo, only to board and have their toddlers scream like their limbs were being ripped off the entire time. A better idea: only go on rides with short lines, regardless of their content. (Although I will admit skipping the Hall of the Presidents.) And if the Dumbo ride is vital to your vacation, test your kids’ stamina first at Aladdin’s Magic Carpet in Adventureland — which seldom has any line at all.
DON’T RENT THE STROLLERS IN THE PARK.
You may be thinking, "Oh, how great is that – I can rent a stroller once I get to the park! I don’t have to bring my own!" Well, make room in the boot of that rental car. First of all, the Disney strollers are huge plastic behemoths and are a pain in the ass to steer; they also don’t recline, which means lots of toddlers will wake up from their naps with insanely sore necks. Second, the last thing you need is another line to wait in. Trust me on that one. Third, forget about being in the airport with the inevitably-delayed flights and no stroller; just the idea of holding my two antsy, jazzed-up-on-Disney toddlers through the security check was enough to make me want another vacation. BYOS. One with a recline function.
CONSTANTLY RECALIBRATE EXPECTATIONS, OR CHILL OUT.
You need to be flexible. Just because your kid adores Peter Pan, and has been talking about him nonstop for months, doesn’t mean that he’s going to love Peter Pan’s Flight. And shockingly, he might be awed at the panoramic pictures of French chateaux, the live belly dancing and the gelato in EPCOT’s World Showcase. You’re not going to have fun every minute, but being ready to go with the flow will serve you all better in the end than your Type A neuroses. Helpfully, many Disney restaurants serve wine with dinner.
WHEN IT’S TIME FOR FIREWORKS, TRY THE CHEAP SEATS.
Your kids will not feel bad if, rather than waiting 45 minutes on the sidewalk in the Magic Kingdom so they can sit in their strollers and have their views of fireworks blocked by people taller than them (i.e. everyone), you opt to take them to the monorail, car or hotel. They can see the fireworks, not hear the loud explosions (which, I have it on good one-year-old authority, are "very scary") and go to sleep virtually instantly afterwards. Everyone’s a winner.
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