The 45 Worst Celebrity Baby Names

What is it with celebrities? While the rest of us agonise over whether we should spell Catherine with a C or a K, the stars are pulling random letters out of a hat to create Makena’lei or Destry.

Maybe it’s that celebrities are operating on a higher creative plane to the rest of us. Maybe they’re on crack. Or maybe, like Penn Jillette, father of Moxie CrimeFighter and Zolten Penn they only have their child’s best interests at heart:
“I think it’s pretty cruel to give a kid a name that others are going to have. I think it’s very important to have a unique name within any group you’re likely to be in. It’s more friendly to go to school being the only “Penn” then to have to be called by your full name, “Mike Jones” or whatever. I always felt sorry for the Mikes and Bobs.”

That may be Penn, but try to spell out Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily to the school principal.

So here it is. The absolutely definitive, up-to-date list of shocking celebrity baby names.

  1. Alcamy: Lance Henriksen and Mary Jane Henriksen
  2. Apple: Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow
  3. Audio Science: Shannyn Sossamon
  4. Banjo Patrick: Rachel Griffiths and Andrew Taylor
  5. Beckett: Melissa Etheridge and Julie Cypher
  6. Bogart Che Peyote: Reality star David “Puck” Rainey and Betty Rainey
  7. Blue Angel: U2’s The Edge and Aislinn O’Sullivan
  8. Bluebell Madonna: Geri Halliwell
  9. Calico: Alice and Sheryl Cooper (also parents to Sonora Rose)
  10. Camera: Arthur Ashe and Jeanne Moutoussamy
  11. Destry: Steven Spielberg and Kate Capshaw
  12. Diezel Ky: Toni Braxton and Keri Lewis (also parents to Denim Cole)
  13. Ever Gabo: Milla Jovovich and Paul W.S. Anderson
  14. Everly Bear: Anthony Kiedis, 44, and his model girlfriend, Heather Christie
  15. Fifi Trixibell: Bob Geldof and Paula Yates (also parents to Peaches and Pixie)
  16. Free: Barbara Hershey and David Carradine
  17. Fuchsia: Sting and Frances Tomelty
  18. Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily: Paula Yates and Michael Hutchence
  19. Homer James Jigme: Richard Gere and Carey Lowell
  20. Hud: John Cougar Mellancamp and Elaine Irwin. Brother to Spec Wildhorse.
  21. Jermajesty: Jermaine Jackson and Alejandra Genevieve Oaziaza
  22. Kal-El Coppola: Nicholas Cage (Kal-El is Superman’s original birth name)
  23. Kyd: David Duchovny and Tea Leoni
  24. Lark Song: Mia Farrow and André Previn
  25. Makena’lei Gordon: Helen Hunt and Matthew Carnahan
  26. Marquise: 50 Cent
  27. Moon Unit: Frank Zappa, also father to Dweezil and Diva Muffin
  28. Moxie CrimeFighter: Penn Jillette (also father to Zolten)
  29. Peaches Honeyblossom: Paula Yates and Bob Geldof
  30. Pilot Inspektor: Jason Lee and Beth Riesgraf
  31. Pirate: Korn frontman John Alexander and porn-star wife Devon
  32. Prince Michael II/Blanket: Micheal Jackson
  33. Princess Tiaamii: Katie Price and Peter Andre
  34. Ptolemy John: Gretchen Mol and Tod ‘Kip’ Williams
  35. Puma: Erykah Badu and Tracy Curry
  36. Reignbeau: Actor Ving Rhames and Deborah Reed (sister to brother Freedom)
  37. Rocket: Robert Rodriguez (also father to Racer, Rebel and Rogue)
  38. Sage Moonblood: Sylvester Stallone and Sasha Czack (also parents to Seargeoh)
  39. Sailor Lee: Christie Brinkley and Peter Cook
  40. Satchel: Spike Lee and Tonya Lewis Lee
  41. Seven Sirius: Andre Benjamin and Erykah Badu
  42. Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt: Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie
  43. Story Elias: Jenna Elfman and her husband Bodhi
  44. Tu Morrow: Rob Morrow
  45. Zuma Nesta Rock: Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale

Did we miss any? Let us know below.

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Comments
  • Megami says:

    ‘Homer James Jigme’
    I am pretty sure the Homer is because it was/is Richard Gere’s father’s name. And Jigme is to do with Tibetan buddhism – there is a lama Jigme Rinpoche.

  • Bella says:

    There are some real shockers. Ptolemy? Deary me.

    Pirate and Pilot…they could be friends.

    I like the name Tiger Lily, she’s quite beautiful that child. I think they call her Tiger for short. I’d hate to be making wills and legal documents for her. How annoying. I hope a lot of these kids change their names when they’re older by deed poll.

  • crofty says:

    In our local paper this week (here in Frankston, Melbourne) in the baby section where they show the new born babies for the week, one couple has named their new born baby:

    Ocean Breeze Goodnight

    I kid you not!

  • Lynn says:

    Poor Freedom. Didn’t his parents care enough to spell his name creatively? Even if they couldn’t be bothered they could have pulled their fingers out and chucked in an apostrophe. At least Freed’m could hold his head up a little when out with Reignbeau.

 

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