1. Never be afraid to ask out the best-looking girl in the room. You’ll be surprised how often it works.
2. In Monopoly, buy the orange properties.
3. You are what you do, not what you say.
4. Don’t be afraid of pickup games. It’s the best way to learn.
5. Keep a copy of your letters. It makes it easier on your biographer.
6. Watch lightning storms from a safe spot. But watch ‘em.
7. Offer your seat to a woman, no matter how old she is.
8. Never side against your brother in a fight.
9. Never criticise a book, play, or film unless you have read or seen it yourself. Art is full of surprises.
10. Push-ups and sit-ups are all you’ll ever need to build muscle.
11. Spend time with your mother. She’s cooler than you think.
12. Don’t be shy in the locker room. They are all thinking the same thing.
13. Be a good listener. Don’t just wait your turn to talk.
14. When in doubt, wear a tie.
15. If you don’t know what a word means, ask. Before it’s too late.
16. Know your neighbourhood like the back of your hand. Sometimes the best adventures are in your own backyard.
17. Start a band.
18. Be cool to the younger kids. Reputations are built over a lifetime.
19. Keep your room clean. One day you’ll have roommates.
20. Make curfew. Sneak out later to meet her. Don’t make a habit of it. You’ll miss the danger.
21. Believe it or not, a museum is a great place to beat a hangover. It’s cool, quiet, and full of water fountains.
22. If you get yourself arrested, call me. You get one free pass.
23. When it comes to shovelling snow, the earlier you start, the easier the job.
24. Order the local specialty.
25. Drive across the country. Don’t rush.
26. There’s nothing wrong with musical theatre. (Everything in moderation.)
27. Don’t boo. Even the ref is somebody’s son.
28. When singing karaoke, choose a song within your range.
29. Never post a picture online you wouldn’t feel comfortable showing your mother, your boss, and the dean of admissions.
30. Read before bed every night. A book every two weeks is a good goal.
31. Don’t throw sand or, when you’re older, mud.
32. Choose a window seat and enjoy the view.
33. There is never an excuse for stealing someone’s taxi.
34. Take the stairs.
35. When handling a frog, be gentle.
36. Try a hairstyle that you’ll one day regret. I’ll get over it.
37. There is always something that could use a fresh coat of paint.
38. Until you are a doctor, never answer your phone at the table. That goes for emails, texts, twitters, and tweets.
39. Have a favourite song. It doesn’t have to be hip. (The best ones never are.)
40. If you make a mistake, forgive yourself and move on.
41. Dance with your partner, not at her. But don’t forget to lead.
42. Help a buddy move.
43. Don’t panic.
44. If you ignore history, it will ignore you.
45. There is rarely a need to raise your voice. At the ballgame is one exception.
46. Never hog a microphone.
47. Send postcards.
48. Keep your word.
49. Respect fire.
50. Don’t litter. Ever.
Excerpted from the website 1001 Rules for My Unborn Son. Photos courtesy of Wikimedia Commons (1, 9, 13, 17, 26, 30, 44), FreeParking (18), and iStockPhoto (5, 34, 36).
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