Should Dads Co-sleep?
Posted by Miriam Axel-Lute at 10:30 AM on December 5, 2008
Can dads sleep safely with their infants, or should that be left to mums and their "natural protective instincts"? The photo I posted with my report on the British study saying cosleeping doesn't increase risk of SIDS (reposted here) generated some passionate back and forth on this topic in the comments on babble.com.
On the one hand, the official word from many co-sleeping advocates is that it should only be the mum (and only a breastfeeding mom at that, yo). In fact, they even say that a co-sleeping baby should not be placed between mum and dad, but between mum and a bedrail. Folks taking this position generally say that breastfeeding mothers are more "tuned in" to their babies, aware of their location, instinctually place them in a safe sleeping position, and wake in tandem with them throughout the night. Certainly if you are breastfeeding, one of the points of co-sleeping is having the breastfeeding mother right there to increase lactation and nursing frequency and duration.
On the other hand, I haven't actually seen any studies of specifically dads and co-sleeping, but I've certainly known plenty of dads who describe for themselves perfectly my own experience of being hyper-aware of the presence and location and motion of their infants, even as they sleep. Is it possible that advocates on the defensive against "cosleeping = death"
hysteria are being overcautious/biased on this one?
It's worth noting that dads, at least engaged ones, do actually go through hormonal changes themselves as they begin to parent, including modestly increased levels of prolactin, the lactation hormone. (I'd wager this probably also happens for non-bio mums in queer couples.) It's not like we're talking random person off the street here. But it's also not biological motherhood either.
What do you think? Is the only-mums-should-sleep-next-to-baby thing an acknowledgement of basic biology, or just more sexism trying to sneak in under the cloak of science?
Photo by davef3138, via Flickr.
Well as a co-sleeping dad I probably have a biased opinion. I seriously could not imaging it any other way, the bond that I have with my now 18 month daughter is simply amazing. There are times when she seeks mum for comfort and there are times when she seeks me for comfort and that makes me feel incredibly special.
I definitely am aware of her presence in the bed, but I don’t always wake up ‘in sync’ with our bub, but she seems happy just to know I’m there, and she always lets me know when it’s “MUMMA!” she wants and not daddy.