Does “Shut up” Cross the Line?

A few weeks ago, I wrote a roundup of the newest advice books for dads and posted it here on Strollerderby. I chose the best and worst pieces of advice from each book. From the book, “Parking Lot Rules,” I chose the idea that you should NEVER answer your child by using the word “what” as the worst advice. The book recommends instead that you answer your child by saying something like “Yes, my love” or “Yes, my darling.” It’s not that I think this is a bad way to answer your child. I just can’t imagine always have the wherewithal to do it and I’m not a big fan of unconditional pronouncements like “never.”

Several readers, however, disagreed with me. They wrote that they try to never answer their child by saying “what” and that once you get into this habit; it’s really not so hard to maintain. One comment that really stuck with me was by a mum who wrote, “I don’t want her to answer me that way when I call for, so why should there be a double standard?” Point taken.

Perhaps this is why I was so surprised when I was reading CafeMom and came across the post, “Do You Tell Your Kids to Shut Up?” Café Keirna writes, “Because my mum was really funny about harsh sounding words (we didn't say words like "liar," "butt," and definitely not "shut-up"), now I'm finding that I'm the same way with my kids.” "Shut up" was definitely off limits in my house growing up and I find that I now detest the phrase, much more even than most swear words. It just feels really dismissive and harsh to me.

CafeMom's post received tonnes of comments, offering many different perspectives. Some parents said they have used the phrase only rarely, to let their children know when they have really crossed a line. Some (especially those with pre-teens) have begun to use “Shut up” more frequently. Others feel that saying “shut up,” is totally unacceptable.

So, what do you think? Would you ever tell your child to “Shut up?” I don’t think I will, but I don’t think that I’ll ever quite get the “Yes, darlings” down either.

(Image taken from shh-speakeasy.com)