10 Most Annoying Kid’s TV Characters

When I embarked on the journey of parenthood, I didn’t sign up for the crap TV. Here’s the top ten list of the weirdest, most annoying or just plain creepy characters gracing our children’s television screens.

1. Dora the Explorer

Look – we can see where Dora can be a positive role model for kids. She’s a girl. She’s hispanic. She doesn’t dress like a Bratz doll. But her shouty, repetitive voice is as annoying as hell.

“Where are we going? Strawberry mountain! Where are we going? Strawberry mountain! Where are we going? Strawberry mountain! Where are we going? Strawberry mountain! Where are we going? Strawberry mountain! Where are we going? Strawberry mountain! Where are we going? Strawberry mountain!” again. As one frustrated mother opined, by the time she’s halfway through the song, the dog and the houseplants have figured out where we’re going. Give it a rest.

2. Elmo

Sure, he’s small and red and fluffy, but don’t be fooled. Elmo is an annoying tool.

John Lee, co-creators of the dark “Sesame Street” parody, “Wonder Showzen,” complains that Elmo doesn’t really well, do anything (except shake and laugh hysterically): “Elmo doesn’t grow. People show him something and he laughs. He doesn’t learn a lesson.” In fact, Elmo is not unlike a typical gabbering, self-obsessed toddler. Maybe that’s why they like him so much. “Elmo is just a baby-voiced, self-obsessed character who is only concerned with Elmo,” says Lee. “He just passively observes things: ‘Elmo is looking at a sandwich. Elmo is eating a sandwich. Elmo is crapping out the sandwich and writing his name on the wall with it.’

3. The Teletubbies

Otherwise known as toddler crack, Teletubbies is the granddaddy of weirdass suited character shows. Four lumpy alien creatures live on a golf course but spend their spare time watching the televisions in their bellies. Every once in a while a talking shower head rises out of the turf and gives them instructions to please the creepy, disembodied baby deity who lives in the sun. The Teletubbies like to dance around with handbags while singing nonsensical songs. And no, they don’t have alcohol or pills to blame.

4. Barney the Dinosaur

The concept of Stranger Danger goes out the window when Barney the Overly Familiar Dinosaur comes on TV. “When I hear Barney say, ‘You’re my special friend’ — that’s a disingenuous statement,” said Allen Cypher, a founder of Stagecast Software, which designs children’s programs. “It’s a fraudulent claim. It deceives kids into believing that Barney has some emotional attachment to them, and that’s not true.” And when he sings “I love you/You love me/We’re best friends like friends should be” face it kid – he’s just not that into you.

5. Bindi Irwin

She’s the freakishly precocious jungle girl whose been wrestling crocs since she was in nappies. But the reason Bindi was recently named Australia’s number one annoying celebrity is because Bindi is everywhere. DVDs. Dolls. TV. Clothing. What we want to know is; where does Brand Bindi stop and a normal 10-yr-old girl begin?

6. Thomas the Tank Engine

Just what is going down on the little island of Sodor? From racial tension (steamies vs. diesels, especially the diesels), to the pervy Trevor the tractor engine (“I love giving rides. Especially to children!”), and Sir Topham Hatt who runs the entire island like a communist paradise (“I only have room for useful engines on my island”).

Then there’s poor Annie and Clarabel, the lowly coaches, who despite being much cleverer than dim-witted Thomas are consigned to the second-tier status of Rolling Stock. In fact Sodor only has one female engine, Emily. Just what message does this send out to our girls?

7. Yo Gabba Gabba

Look, we won’t deny that we’re big fans of this delightfully bizarre toddler TV show. But what is the deal with Muno? He’s a one-eyed monster (pun intended) with strangely erm.. stimulating little bumps not unlike you’d find in a packet marked “For her Pleasure”.

Just to confuse matters, you can buy your own wriggling, battery-operated “silly head” Muno.

OK. So that would be for mum, or baby?

8. Boohbah

Keen to set your child up for a lifetime of hallucinogenic drug use and therapy? Switch on Boohbah. These rotund, furry creatures squeeze themselves to make strange noises. There doesn’t appear to be any actual language being spoken. They just make weird noises and make their heads go in and out of their necks like turtles. They’re beyond creepy. I’d like to tell you more about them but the official website is one long acid trip. Try it. Not surprisingly, its producers were also behind Teletubbies.

9. In the Night Garden

Also produced by the crack-sniffing folk behind the Teletubbies, In the Night Garden is a little slice of life in a mental asylum. There’s Iggle Piggle, the narcissistic one who wont go to bed, Upsy Daisy the exhibitionist who lifts her skirt and flashes her knickers whenever she gets excited, and then there’s poor old Makka Pakka, the OCD-afflicted homeless dude who lives out his days carrying around a cleaning cart and washing rocks. If anything, at least ITNG will teach our children tolerance.

10. Bob the Builder

He’s handy, he’s energetic but wait – is our yellow-hatted Bob a scab? It’s quite obvious that Bob and his anthropomorphic vehicle friends are engaging in non-union labor. Nor do we ever see any competitive bidding for his contracting jobs. Just who is handing out the preferential treatment Bob’s way? And that’s not the only suspicious activity happening in Bobsville. As SFGate asks, is Farmer Pickles growing dope? “Doesn’t it seem odd that Farmer Pickles constantly spends thousands of dollars to fix a fence that’s surrounding just seven carrots? There’s only one explanation…”