Mum Seeks Lover For Grown Son With Down’s

Miriam Axel-Lute

Raising a child with Down syndrome is no easy thing. It involves doing a lot of things you never expected to do be doing with your life.

But even the most well-educated and comfortable parents of the most high-functioning Down’s children don’t generally go publicly soliciting for lovers for their (grown) kids.

Lucy Baxter, a UK mother of four and a leading advocate for the rights of those with Down syndrome, is the exception. She wants her 21-year-old son Otto to be able to lose his virginity—enough that she’s going public about it, asking women to step forward (and also admits considering hiring a prostitute). She also, in contradiction to some of the opinions on the right to procreate, thinks it would be great if he could be a father.

Yuck.

Not yuck to the idea that someone with Down’s might be a sexual being or even a parent (though I have concerns about the latter), or to the idea that we have to face the tricky question of when someone does or doesn’t have the mental capacity to consent to sex. I don’t even, under the right circumstances, think a prostitute would be awful.

No, just a big yuck that a mum is so desperate to prove her kid normal (and, dare I say it, make a political/social point) that she’ll violate his privacy and meddle in his life in totally abnormal ways by making his sex life (1) her business and (2) a cause celebre.

If this were a story about a mum who started a dating service for people with Down’s after seeing how depressed and lonely her son was, that would be something different. But least the way it’s being reported, Otto is certainly interested, but the urgency is coming from his mum. Take this quote: “If he doesn’t get a girlfriend, I will feel really bad, because I have sold him this thing that he is like everybody else.”

Because everybody else has lost their virginity by 21? And has a partner? And ends up having kids? (And if he’s just like everybody else, why would she prefer him to have a girlfriend who doesn’t have Down’s?)

Can you imagine if every 21-year-old who hadn’t yet gotten laid had their mothers getting in on the act?