So it looks like I’m having a girl.
A 19 week scan today revealed the classic three lines used to identify the female gender on ultrasound. I had suspected for a few months though, as I’ve felt so wretched this pregnancy that I can only put it down to an influx of PMS-like “crazy bitch” hormones in my system. It explains all the chocolate I’ve been eating too.
So – a girl. After weeping tears of joy and rushing out to purchase a few cute outfits (the range is sooo much better), I started to wonder if a girl baby would be any different to a boy baby.
I know boys. My two-year-old is a typical boisterous, construction-vehicle-loving little bundle of X and Y chromosomes. He has a play kitchen and a doll’s stroller and he likes them, but gravitates towards things with wheels and things that go bang.
Mia Freedman writes on her blog of the opposite problem – despite overt attempts at socialisation she has a girly girl who loves to pretend iron.
Widely-quoted research suggests that we innately treat boys and girls differently. Anonymous babies in blue jumpsuits will be treated more roughly than girls – even though female babies are biologically tougher than male babies.
Will I let my little girl climb to the top of the monkey bars and wrestle her on the lounge room floor? Will I unwittingly expect her to help around the house more than my son? It’s hard to know just how powerful the pull of social expectation is. I can proudly state now that I won’t dress her in frills, only practical clothes that will give her free reign over the playground, but what if she is like the little girls at daycare who arrive in a tutu of their own choosing everyday? After all, I don’t want to be stifling creativity just to prove a point.
All this lies ahead. I suspect that just as with my first, I’ll just try to treat her as her own little person and be guided by her wants and needs. Besides, if the kicks I’m feeling are anything to go by, I’ll be giving birth to a future member of the Matildas.
I am one of those girl mothers who swore blindly that there was NO WAY IN HELL my daughter would play with Barbie & Disney Princesses. It was only when I was on the phone about which Barbie bus my daughter wanted, which colour, and which accessories, that I realised where my life had turned.
Similarly, with my son, who is obsessed with cars & trucks…
We have these ideas about socialisation & gender and you know what? I really do think that a lot of it is hard wired.
I have always been non-committal about gender stereotypes, and even try to push them… but I realised pretty early on that gender roles are something that cannot be enforced, whether you are “feminine”, “masculine”, or inbetween… if a girl wants to play Barbie… then she should be allowed to. If she wants to play with trucks, well, go for it.
Or maybe the way we treat this is SO much more subiminal than we realise? I like to think I don’t?