The Politics Of Present-Giving

This past weekend I was at the mall to buy a birthday present for my 4-year-old nephew. I was headed to Border’s, where we’ve purchased books for Finn since he was born. I love to read, my kids love to be read to, and so we buy books we like for our young relations.

But as I was walking toward Border’s, I passed the Disney store. And I realised, I have no idea if Finn actually likes books. But I do know he loves all things Disney. So, even though I refrain from shopping there for my own kids, I walked into the Disney store and bought Finn a Buzz Lightyear bathing suit, sun shirt, thongs, and towel. And I’m sure he loved it.

So I started thinking about all the gifts I’ve given in the past. Did I give gifts that I thought the recipient would like? Or did I give gifts that I liked?

I once read an article that said people over-tipped in restaurants because they wanted their server to think highly of them; in other words, for purely selfish reasons. And I realised that I was doing the same thing with gift-giving. I was so desperate for the parents of the gift recipient to think highly of me, I was buying presents that I thought made me look good — wooden blocks, books, non-gender specific imaginative play — that I wasn’t really thinking about what the kid would actually like.

Of course, there’s also something to be said for expanding a child’s horizons. My son likes Spiderman, but he doesn’t need (and might possibly not even want) every single gift in the Spiderman oeuvre.

I guess I need to find a happy medium. Just because my son’s friend loves Dora doesn’t mean I need to buy her yet another Dora doll or plastic backpack. But maybe she would like a Dora Scrabble set or Dora chapter book. Or maybe even a different doll for Dora to play with. No, they’re not the most unique gifts in the world and the child’s parents won’t be wildly impressed with my creative gift-giving skills. But the child sure will be.

Photo: SFGate/Dreamstime