6 Reasons Why It Sucks To Be A Kid Today

Cole Gamble

Rebecca Kelly feels very sorry for today’s youth. We had it better. According to her, “back in the good old days, being a kid was awesome, but now today’s youth is choking on yuppified bulls*** like organic nonsense, parental controls, and more.”

1) Food is No Fun

When we were kids we had lunches packed with Fruit By the Foot, Teddy Grahams, and Squeeze Its. Now kids get organic crap like fruit leathers, vegetable-flavored “chips” that have the texture of packing cellophane, and sugar-free, 100% juice. What ever happened to “3% juice” juice that you could squeeze out of a cartoon face? Sure, some kids nowadays still have gloriously unhealthy lunches, but yuppie parents regard these children as contagious chunksters who could pass the “fat” virus onto their precious kids via direct, sticky-handed contact.

2) Clothing Has Gotten Ridiculous

Young girls have belly-baring shirts, kid-sized halter tops, and rhinestones on everything, while young boys look like mini douche bags with their youth-sized rugby shirts and cargo shorts. Pre-teens are just as bad: girls are pairing leggings with everything and boys are popping every collar they can get their hands on. What happened to Osh Kosh overalls and cute crap like duckies and froggies on little kids’ shirts? Why the hell would you want your 7-year-old to go to school wearing a t-shirt that says “spoiled brat” and hot pantsthat have the word “princess” emblazoned on the butt?

3) Parents are Too Paranoid

In the good ol’ days, we could go exploring in the woods behind our house, climb the tallest tree in our yard, and sled down the stairs in our house using a blanket or a laundry basket. Our parents didn’t care as long as we came for dinner when they shouted. Now everything in the house is childproof, kids are on leashes so they don’t stroll more than
two feet away from their parents, and parents go insane if their kid gets a single scratch or bump. Cuts and bruises gave us character, and they taught us valuable lessons that we were able to learn for ourselves (e.g., stoves are hot, roofs are high, table corners are pointy).

Now that I come to think of it, I don’t know why I didn’t perish as a kid in a roof-jumping off accident or from obesity triggered juvenile diabetes. Man, we do parent our kids like wussies these days.

To read more of Rebecca’s article, go here.