Post-Adoption Depression Peeks Out Of The Closet Of Secrecy

As post-partum depression begins to slowly come out into the light and be spoken about openly by brave mothers on blogs, in magazines and books, it’s lesser-known cousin, post-adoption depression remains mostly hidden.

Adoptive parents can feel especially ashamed and guilty for experiencing doubts, anxiety or even just a post-big-event let-down once a longed-for child arrives at last.

Perhaps the pressure of infertility has already left an adoptive parent feeling inadequate or judged.  Perhaps a few false starts in the adoption process have left her with a tough skin a new baby or child has trouble breaking through.  Perhaps the same sleeplessness and new parent anxiety and–yes–even new parent hormonal changes (they aren’t all based on pregnancy and birth) that plague biological mothers hit an adoptive parent and send her into a downward spiral.

Adoptive parents are at risk for much of the same difficult adjustment issues that biological parents are threatened by.  In addition, however, adoptive parents are often at the end of a long, difficult and possibly expensive journey to a new child.  After wishing and hoping and trying and working and waiting, if the arrival of that child brings despair instead of joy, the guilt and shame only add to the misery.

An adoptive parent might wonder if all those voices telling her that non-biological bonds just aren’t as strong as blood were right after all.  And after fending off those voices for moths or years, she is unlikely to admit her feelings aloud.

Fortunately, this problem is starting to see the light of day in a few places online and in the bookstore.  People writing and talking openly about Post-Adoption Depression Syndrome (PADS) from both clinical and personal perspectives can only help those suffering in silence feel less alone.  And knowing that the problem is common and most often eases with time can give a sufferer immediate relief from at least part of the anxiety.

I have adopted twice.  I can’t say I’ve experienced PADS, but I did struggle with a flare-up of anxiety and panic I had thought was in my past after the births and homecomings of both of my children.  I also developed stress-related back pain both times, rendering me less able to hold my babies than I wanted to, leading to disappointment and impatience.

Perhaps the most reassuring thing I can say to an adoptive parent worried about, or experiencing PADS or lesser symptoms of a post-adoption let-down, is that not only is it not a sign that adoption is inferior to birth, but it is in fact a fairly common experience for all new parents and means you are that much more ordinary in your new-parent status.

Meanwhile check out the Examiner for a great round-up of PADS resources. Also, I recommend The Post-Adoption Blues: Overcoming the Unforeseen Challenges of Adoption by Karen Foli and John Thompson.

Take heart!  You’re not alone.