Dog Rage!

You think the park is a safe environment for your kids? Think again. It’s a jungle out there.

I’ve had it up to here with pet owners who pathetically tell me that their little ‘baby’ is wonderful with kids. Believe me, I know they’re not. There is every chance that their cute little doggie or moggie will tear my kids face off given half a chance. Granted, domestic animals can be, for the most part, very gentle and sweet. But they are animals. They do not reason like us. They will prey on my children. It’s what they do.

Okay okay, I’m an animal too. And, I like to think, I’m also a dangerous predator. But I belong to a particular species that has a certain set of moral codes and customs I can vaguely understand. I’m pretty aware of the boundaries between me and other humans at the park. I know, for example, that I can’t grab some other father’s coffee simply because it looks nice and I need a bit of a kick-start to the day. I’m reasonably clear that I can’t kiss his wife either. It’s just not the done thing. At least not at the park on a Saturday morning. I mean, I could maybe get her digits for later… He wouldn’t ever have to know! However, that is creepy and wrong. I know it is. BUT I digress.

When it comes down to it, most of us really don’t have a clue how a dog or a cat or a cockatoo will behave. We’re pretty much in the dark. And that includes the pet owners themselves. However much they think they have some special telepathic relation with Spot, they really don’t. Essentially, if you live with a pet you are living with an alien curled up on the floor beside you – an alien with gnashing teeth, powerful jaws and razor sharp claws. And I’m pretty sure they’re up to something.

Seriously, pet owners need a wake up call. They need to recognise that ANY dog or cat is capable of lashing out. Yes, even theirs. No children should ever be left alone with one. The animal might be defending itself or simply be annoyed. Your kid might take its toy or bone. Your kid might grab it the wrong way or approach it from its ‘blind spot’. It might suddenly feel competitive. Might’ve had a bad day? Lost money on the market? We don’t know.

Face it. Animals are not always so nice. They don’t have to be. They’re animals. They can be cruel unpredictable and violent little bastards. Dogs will kill for the fun of it. Even dolphins kill porpoise babies and form gangs for the purposes of pack rape. That’s right, folks – Flipper’s a rapist.

Recently, Miranda Devine, wrote yet another one of her silly columns about dogs at parks. She claims that the animal rights people have ‘gone too far’. When they argue that speciesism is like racism or sexism, the philosopher, Peter Singer and groups like PETA, have lost any sense of moral proportion. As far as Devine is concerned, dog owners need to understand that humans are the supreme beings on the planet and that we must “grow up,” get “practical” and learn to slaughter animals. Or words to that effect. Actually, I’d say that the whole idea of “human exceptionalism” which she parades as the “moral underpinning of western civilisation”, is the beginning of the end for poor animals. In my experience of civilised humanity it’s usually a very short step from proclaiming something is “different” to shooting at it.

Thankfully, I have a different point of view. A better one. How about this? For the most part, I believe that it’s a mistake to even own a pet. People think that pet ownership is some kind of natural born right. Like having a holiday in Bali or whatever. But I swear most people are very unsuitable dog owners. They’re just not up to the task. They tend to keep dogs isolated when they are pack animals. They leave them locked up at home all day. They over feed or under feed them. They don’t adequately train them. The list goes on.

And how many cows, horses, chickens, fish and rats have to die to feed the ravenous pets of Australia?

People will often argue that owning a puppy will teach their kids about ‘responsibility’. Well maybe. Most of the time I think it probably teaches the parents about taking on ‘more than they can handle’. I know of plenty situations where the cute Christmas gift has been more or less forgotten after a few months. And if it teaches “responsibility” it’s definitely not about responsibility for animals in general. Most children are kept happily ignorant of the killing floors. Pretty soon they learn the kind of ‘tough guy’ ugliness that John Birmingham displays in this recent column about animals and children.

People say they ‘love’ animals? Who’re they kidding? I’m a serious animal lover. I don’t see them as a means to an end. I see them as an end in themselves. You want to teach your kids about responsibility and love for other beings? Don’t buy them a pet.