All Work, No Play Makes For Unhappy Families

My husband and I (don’t I sound like the Queen?!?) both work full-time and we’re both absolutely exhausted by the time the weekend comes around – the only chance we get to be with each other and our two daughters (three and nearly one). We both work hard all week while the girls are at family day care – and during the week we are all so tired and cranky, it passes in a blur of mini meltdowns and interrupted sleep. At the weekend, when we need most to be at our best for quality family time, we’re barely recovering from the week! What can we do to make the most of those two little days together – and also make the days during the week less fraught and frustrating?

Yours, Mr Frantic and Mrs Fed Up

Dear Mr Frantic and Mrs Fed Up,

Thanks for sending in this important question; important because it is, these days, so very common. I’d be surprised if the issues you raise are not relevant to all, or at least most of our readers.

We are all so busy these days and in many families both parents work. Although there are many advantages to this there are, quite clearly, a few potential problems that can be experienced by those (like you) for whom things have got a bit out of hand.

As is almost always the case, there may not be a simple answer and the best answer will probably vary from person to person and family to family. But let me offer you a few suggestions for your consideration and I hope at least one of them is relevant and applicable.

1. Consider whether it’s possible for one, or both of you to reduce your hours at work; even just a little bit might help. I know this will have financial implications but there might be ways you can manage by reducing your expenses.

For example, many busy parents I know work so hard and long that they end up buying lots of take-away dinners. Although there’s nothing wrong with this it is relatively costly. So reducing work hours might mean a few less dollars at the end of the week but you may well be able to cope with this by cooking more.

2. In addition (or if this is not viable), review your evening routine. If you’re both coming home from work, tired and irritable, and trying to do all you can to get dinner ready and play with your daughters etc, maybe you could consider playing tag.

That is, maybe you could take turns, with one of you taking the bulk of responsibilities some nights and the other doing most of the work on alternate nights which might mean that for at least half the evenings at least one of you is getting some rest and relaxation time.

3. And point three is very important. In my book, 100 Ways to Happy Children: a guide for busy parents (Penguin, $24.95), I make it very clear that I believe one of the most important things we can do as parents, if we want to raise happy children, is to do the best we can to be happy ourselves. We can’t be happy if we’re literally sick and tired all the time and we can’t raise happy children if we’re tired and miserable. So somehow or other, you need to find a way to take care of yourselves so you can then take care of your children.

4. I could go on, but for now I’ll offer just one more suggestion. Do whatever you can to bring some positivity into the evenings and weekends – that crucially important time you spend with your daughters. You probably know this already but you’ll never have these years again so maybe you can relax some of the “rules”, choose your battles, do what you can to get things done but maybe, just maybe, cleaning and washing and getting things done might not be as important as reading and playing and dancing and singing with your little girls!

Mr Frantic and Mrs Fed Up…I hope this helps.

Dr Happy (Dr Timothy Sharp) is a clinical and consulting psychologist, and the founder and CHO (Chief Happiness Officer) of The Happiness Institute. He’s the bestselling author of “100 Ways to Happy Children: a guide for busy parents” and “100 Ways to Happiness: a guide for busy people”. For more information about The Happiness Institute you can visit the website at www.thehappinessinstitute.com