Is it just me or do you also find something slightly aggressive about those “Baby On Board” stickers people paste on the rear windows of their cars? Aren’t they just a tiny bit annoying? I don’t know about you but it just seems strange to me. Really you have a baby? In your car? No! Let me get the facts right here. You’re driving. With a baby. And its IN YOUR CAR???
Well I better pump the brakes. Slow the hell down. There’s a life at stake. A tiny human. The future of our country. Maybe it would be best if I just pulled over to the side of the road for a few minutes and let the baby pass? If I’m not EXTRA careful in the next few minutes I might kill the future Prime Minister of Australia.
I mean I’m usually pretty happy with my reckless style of driving. I’m all over the road. And fast, damn fast. But when there’s a baby involved? I better start observing a few road rules. At least stop at a few red lights. Slow down to 110 kph in the school zones. It’s the least I can do.
But really. There’s something in me that just loathes those Baby on Board stickers. I can’t help it. Is it the smug, superior lecturing tone? Don’t get me started. I hate the smugness of parents. Possibly because I have been a smug parent myself. Many times. In fact I might be doing it now! Writing this blog could easily come under the smug category. In fact, most blogs or columns or opinion pieces in magazines constitute some form of smugness. Just the other day I caught myself watching a childless couple and smiling condescendingly. You’re so alone aren’t you? You poor bastards. You’ll never know the joys… Yes, that’s right, you’re not quite human. Not like me. I’ve done my reproductive duty. I have kids. I’m happy. God I’m good. Smugness just comes with the territory of parenthood I guess.
And, Lord knows, it’s got to be one of THE most thankless jobs around. You may as well get paid in a few extra smugness credits! You don’t sleep anymore. You don’t go clubbing anymore. You don’t go to restaurants anymore. You don’t have a life anymore. So you figure you can at least be smug. And you probably have a point. Parents, poor fools, should be allowed to be smug. It’s all they’ve got.
So what really burns me about those stickers? Apart from the smugness, I mean. I think it’s the fact that because people are such bad drivers, such egocentric, bullying road warriors, other people (usually parents) feel they need to take matters into their own hands. Certainly, the Road Traffic Authority and the government have given up. Speed limits and speeding fines don’t seem to slow anyone down. Texting and driving is pretty much standard practice these days. Most people think they drive better when they’re drunk or on coke or E. Sharper. On their game.
Anyway speeding fines and DUI fines raise a lot of revenue. So governments are in a conflict of interest type situation. So if the RTA with all their “speed limits” and “road safety rules” can’t do anything about it, people feel their only option is special pleading on behalf of their children. “Please, sir, I know you have an inner urge to break the world land-speed record every time you jump in your car but, please, PLEASE don’t hurt my baby? Do anything you want with me but please, I’m begging you, DON’T TAKE MY CHILD!!!!”
Maybe it’s the impotence of the baby on board sticker that hurts most. I mean, come on. Who, ever, in the history of motorised transport, has driven more carefully or with a heightened sense of alertness because they’ve seen a baby on board sign dangling in the car ahead of them? If anything, they’re a distraction. A hazard on the roads. Surely I can’t be the only one who’s been thrown into a state of languor by the hypnotic bouncing yellow of a Baby On Board sign? They’re useless! They’re more like an advertisement or a brand. They’re about as effective and as annoying as car alarms.
Let’s face it. Our roads are dangerous and getting dangerous-er. They’re a national disgrace. Just the other day I was driving along and saw a whole bunch of police standing around a car balanced upside down on its roof ON TOP of another car!! Huh? How did THAT even happen? People are texting and driving. Eating and driving. Kissing and driving. Listening to music and driving. Arguing and driving. Drinking and pilling and driving. They’re speeding and tail gating and whatever else. And these people usually have Baby On Board plastered across their rear window! I kid you not. A few months back I watched a mother in a sports utility vehicle screaming down the road while adjusting the baby seat behind her. She over-took me. And guess what? She had a BOB triangle warning on her window.
Driving on our roads is a nightmare. Simply put, there is something about being locked in a little metal cabin with four wheels and air and cup holders that allows people to be the monsters they really can be. Sitting in a car makes people feel they have permission to be nasty, rude, ungenerous and unkind. It brings out the little fascist in just about everyone. I’d be the first to put my hand up. I’m not shy of a bit of shouting and muttered obscenities when I’m sitting behind my wheel.
If the speed limit is 60 people assume it’s really 80. If it’s 80 then, really, it’s 110. There is a base and vulgar urge to get “ahead” in our society and out on our roads is where you’ll see that urge manifested in all its inhuman glory! The need to get ahead in the non-metaphorical sense! It’s every man and woman for themselves. Individualism rules and a basic contempt for human life reigns. This is where people finally feel they can be “them”. Nobody is gonna push them around anymore.
And you think a Baby on Board sign is going to stand in their way??
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. LOLZ!!!! 
DD
You really want to protect human life and babies in on board? Speed limit every car to a maximum of 40 kph. Slow everyone the hell down. You could also ban phones for good measure. That would really change things. And do you think it will ever happen?
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha
So let’s all just go back to being smug with our Baby On Board stickers. It really is all we’ve got.
Follow Angry Dad on twitter!
I always thought that Baby on Board signs were to alert the ambos and fire crew in case of an accident that there was a baby in the car that needed rescuing. We don’t have one, I think the baby seat is enough of a clue.
I hadn’t thought of that Philby. I guess you might be right. And that does seem to serve a useful purpose. However, my more general point was that we should take serious action with regard to the lunatic speeding, drunk and dangerous driving we have come to accept as standard practice. The fact that we take it as a given that thousands die in road accidents and we accept accidents and ambos as part of daily life is the real problem!
Perhaps you could look at them as an alert that the driver is potentially dealing with a major distraction in the back, and could drive erratically and therefore present a danger to others?
Well, thanks for pointing out the bleeding obvious Duncan. And, yes, that IS what people who sell those BOB signs would say. You’re not a sales rep are you?
Could I ask you to read my column again? In it I argue that those stickers fail in their supposed aim of “alerting other drivers” and that they are about as useful as car alarms. I go on to make the claim that it is our roads and the maniacal ego-centrism of speed freak drivers that should be attended to. Possibly with proper speed limiting of car engines? And that BOB stickers are a useless play toy when it comes to road safety.
Great article. So spot on with the smug parent comments – I just realised I’ve have been doing this!
And you are right; the ugly side of human nature comes out on the roads.
Thank you Karen thank YOU! You’re the only person who commented that actually grasped the point of what I was saying.
yes, the signs were originally developed as a heads-up in case of emergency situations. for that reason I thought they were a damn fine idea, but they’re useless now, because
a) people don’t remove them if their baby isn’t in the car, so they send a false message and
b) there’s so many so-called amusing variants that it’s all meaningless.
I don’t know about a baby seat being enough of a clue, because you might not be transporting a child and emergency services think you are. at any rate, I’ve never used one. also, good writing doesn’t need to say the same thing sentence after sentence, just using slightly different words and lots of exclamation marks. get your red pen out.
Jangles??? What? What are you saying about good writing??? I mean are you saying that my writing is not good?!! Or are you saying that I’m not writing well????? My communication skills are unacceptable? Inadequate? Improper????
This is an outrage!!!!!!
I will NOT stand for it!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!
But seriously, all joking aside, if I can be earnest and straight with you. You seem to have quite missed the point. I don’t know. Even with all my exclamation marks and slavish repetition some people STILL don’t get it.
I make several points. One was about the smugness of parents. Another was about BOB stickers. But, most importantly, my point was about the parlous state of our roads – violent and bully speed obsessed drivers who are texting and eating and sleeping etc
If you look closely, with care and READ what I have written you will see I am employing a humorous tone in order to point out the serious problem with bad driving on our roads. It’s really about road Nazi’s more than anything else.
You didn’t get that. Despite all the repetition. What’s an Angry Dad to do?
“Good writing” you say? Well how about you start using some capitalisation? Glass houses Jangles, glass houses….
Hey, Angry Dad. I got it.
I don’t think you repeated yourself unnecessarily.
Unnecessarily.
Eloquently expressed sentiments, Angry Dad! First, it’s soooo true that the anonymity of driving a car brings out the ugliness in humanity. Second, my friends (even those with kids) and I find those smug, little yellow BOB triangles irritating. In my POV, it’s not merely the “lecturing” attitude that comes across but also the notion that children are S*A*C*R*E*D, a belief that many parents of ill-behaved, pint-sized monsters insist on inflicting upon those around them. Give me a break! I’ll take a shedding, slobbering dog over an unruly, screeching brat in my car any day.
Furthermore, what if we ALL plastered our vehicles with similar signs trumpeting, to the drivers in our midst, the details of our personal lives … when those who share the road with us COULD NOT CARE LESS what we’re toting on board? Would anyone else alter their driving habits if a bright yellow triangle dangling from my rear window announced, “Philosophy Major on Board”? Or “Broccoli Fan on Board”? Or, better yet, “Adult Who Despises ‘Baby on Board’ Signs on Board”? This may seem like an inadequate comparison to some, but that’s my story, and I’m sticking with it.
Thanks, Angry Dad, for a well-written post that resonates with many people!