Expert: Jon Katz from Flat Rate Movers

1. Keeping kids on the sidelines.

"As stressful as moving is for you, it can be even more so for your kids, especially younger kids. It can feel really overwhelming. Discuss with your kids why you’re moving, and then get them involved as much as you can in the actual moving process. Give them some small jobs. Have them pack a box or two of their games and toys. Let them help you label boxes, colour-code them with stickers, or take the photos to tape to the outside! It can also be nice to do something special to honour their memories of their home. Take pictures of the old house; plant something there, anything that makes them feel special."

2. Giving in to clutter.

"Another mistake that I see often is that people don’t take the time to get organised before they start packing. They just start putting things in boxes without really thinking about the larger plan of the move. Before you pack anything, you should go through your house and clear out the things you no longer use. Decide which things you want to donate and which things are going to the trash pile. Doing this before your move instead of after can save you a considerable amount of money.

Speaking of packing, pack yourself an "essentials box" and (if you’re using movers) mark it very clearly "Do NOT touch." Put in your extra IDs, medications, favourite books or toys for your kids, and anything else you want to have with you. Let your kids choose one or two important possessions to put in so that they know their favourite things will still be with them. Make sure that this box travels with you. You don’t want your essentials to be accidentally lost."

3. Trusting a ballpark estimate.

"It can be very hard to set an accurate moving budget. Unless you are going with a flat rate company, all kinds of little surprise charges can sneak up on you. It’s important to do your research first. Be willing to increase your budget a bit in order to get a quality company. We have heard nightmare stories about people who thought that they were getting a good deal and then ended up stranded on moving day when the company didn’t show. So, really check out any company that you’re considering using. Once you’ve found a company that you like, ask if they will come to your house to give you an estimate. In-person estimates tend to be much more accurate than anything you’ll get over the phone. Ask the company for a written, binding prices so that the final cost stays close to the estimate."

As told to Lindsay Armstrong.

Expert: Rocky Spino, licensed counsellor and specialist in mental health services to children and adolescents.

1.Giving Up

"Lots of children would like for us to believe that the system hasn’t been invented that can handle them. If we buy into this bluff, then we soon find ourselves in a cycle of bailing out of everything we try. Before you start that kitchen timer, first start out with the right attitude; one of confident, can-do authority."

2. Talking Too Much

"This might involve constantly threatening time-outs rather than giving them; issuing endless warnings or lecturing from beginning to end. Remember, the time out experience speaks for itself. It calls for action, not chatter."

3. Bad Timing

"Requiring excessive time, choosing the wrong time and repeatedly resetting the time are all temporal no-nos that can take their toll. A half-hour time out really is no better than a ten-minute one in terms of teaching a lesson. Consequences don’t have to hurt, they just have to happen. Also, timing-out that child who is constantly late getting out the door in the morning or going to bed at night only introduces more delay and stress into the situation. Having a plan that works out things [such as] when to give and when not to give time outs can help prevent unpleasant surprises. Lastly, there is no need to start over for every antic in the time-out chair. When children get parents to continually return to the scene, attention-seeking can quickly begin to replace the reparative value of boredom and being ignored."

As told to April Peveteaux.

What are the three most common mistakes parents make when starting their kids at a new school?

Expert: Paul J. Donahue, psychologist and author of Parenting Without Fear: Letting Go of Worry and Focusing on What Really Matters.

1. Forgetting to Prepare

"A few weeks before your little one is due to start, visit the daycare centre or school, drive past it a few times. Talk about it. Play on the playground. Meet the teacher so your child knows he or she is a trusted adult, someone they can count on. Most parents are good about those points. But you should also do some other homework, like familiarising your child with their routine. For instance, if your child is attending school in the morning and they’re still hanging out in their jimjams until 10 am, start waking them up around the time they’ll be eating breakfast. Also find out what type of activities and games your child’s going to play at school or if they’re going to sit in circle time, so they know what to expect on the first day. Another good idea: Have your child talk to other kids in your neighborhood who attend the same school; older kids are the best salesmen!"

2. Focusing on the negative

"Many parents inadvertently say things like ‘You might miss Mummy when you’re at school,’ or ‘Don’t let kids pick on you,’ and even go so far as to warn kids about strangers or germs. While it’s important to address issues as they come up, like if your child’s being picked on, it’s not the way to prep kids for school. You want your kids to see you as confident and feel as though you see their school as a positive place; a place where they’re going to learn a lot and where there are fun things to do. Say things like, ‘There will be really nice teachers,’ or ‘You’re going to make lots of friends,’ or ‘They have a really cool playground.’ You don’t have to overhype it, but don’t plant seeds of negativity before their first day."

3. Not transitioning well

"This is the biggest mistake parents make, and I hear it all the time from teachers. It’s imperative that you arrive on time, so kids get in the right routine. Coming in late when other kids are already settled is discombobulating. Another tip: Follow the teacher’s lead when it comes to separating. Teachers will often say, ‘Give Mummy a kiss and a hug and then Mummy’s going to go.’ After that, don’t linger and don’t walk in and out of the classroom; be short and sweet. Also, stick to a schedule. Arrive and pick up your kids at the same time every day. Let them know in advance if Mummy or Daddy won’t be picking them up. Kids get very anxious if you schedule a last-minute playdate without their knowledge, and suddenly another mum is taking them home. And if you have a babysitter or nanny, let your kids know what days to expect them."

As told to Andrea Zimmerman.

Expert: Laurel McCarthy, creator of www.carrymeaway.com and baby-wearer.

1. Giving Up Too Easily

Many people get a carrier as a shower gift. They may try it once or twice and it doesn’t feel comfortable for them or they feel like the baby’s not comfortable in it, so they give up and think, "I’m just not a sling person." When mums feel this way it’s usually because they were using the carrier incorrectly or they didn’t spend a little time practising with the carrier before putting the baby in it. When you get a carrier, you should take time to read the instructions. It sounds basic, but most people don’t do it. It can also help to practise first with a doll or stuffed animal. That way you feel confident with what you’re doing before you put the baby in and the baby starts crying and you feel panicked. A lot of people also make the mistake of starting out using a cradle carry, where the baby is low and across the stomach. That’s a carry that most babies don’t like and it’s not the safest option either. Most babies prefer a tummy-to-tummy carry, meaning that they’re upright with their head on your chest. So, try different positions and don’t just assume that this horizontal, flat carry will be the best. A good bet is to try a position that mimics how you usually hold your baby. Babies also need time to get used to a sling. They really like gentle motion, so when you put the baby in the carrier, walk around or sway. That can help you both adjust.

2. Size Matters

The second mistake that I often see is that people buy a carrier that’s too big or wear an adjustable carrier too loosely. That is almost universally the problem when people tell me that a carrier isn’t working for them. Buying a carrier is not like buying a T-shirt, when if you’re not sure that a medium is going to fit you, you just get the large. With carriers, you really need to get one that fits. When you wear a carrier too loosely, the baby doesn’t feel secure. It’s not safe. When a baby is in a carrier, he should feel as snug as if you were holding him. An oversized carrier is also ergonomically bad for your body. A properly used carrier should distribute the weight across your back. You should be using your core muscle to hold the weight. If a carrier is pulling on your neck and shoulders, you’re either using it incorrectly or it’s the wrong size. If you’re not sure about this, find a baby-wearing group in your area and ask someone there for help. You can also try carrymeaway.com.

3. Not Looking Beyond Bjorn

The Baby Bjorn-style carrier is probably the best-known and most available type. It serves a lot of parents really well, but it has its limitations. First of all, the Baby Bjorn is only for infants up to fifteen pounds or so, which gives people the impression that carrying is for really small babies. However, there are many carriers that can be used from newborn to toddler. I carry my four-year-old still with the pouch I have. It’s very comfortable. Also, the Baby Bjorn is only a front carrier. You can wear the baby facing out or in, but you can’t do any other types of carries, like back or side. The other thing about that type of carrier is that they’re not very snuggly. A baby’s legs are spread apart, which most newborns do not like, and they’re more strapped to you than snuggled. Different carriers are good for different things. The Bjorn is great if you want to be active, go hiking, walk around a city, but a ring carrier or a sling is better if you’re looking to soothe or snuggle. There are a variety of carriers out there that can do more and can last you longer, so it’s good to think about what you will use the carrier for, and buy the one best suited to that purpose.

As told to Lindsay Armstrong.

What happened when you first tried to put your baby in a sling/carrier? Do you rate them as top modes of baby transport – or more a pain in the neck?

Expert: Jamie Woolf, Author of Mom-in-Chief: How Wisdom from the Workplace Can Save Your Family From Chaos.

1. Underestimating your child’s emotional intelligence

“I think it’s crazy when parents say, ‘Oh, everything’s fine, there’s nothing to worry about,’ when, in fact, there is something to worry about it, like Daddy being laid off or the family having to move. When you don’t tell your kids the truth, they’ll actually stop trusting their instincts. A big part of emotional intelligence is picking up on non-verbal cues. They can see the worry on your face. They can sense the hushed tones between Mummy and Daddy, the extra stress and irritability in the house. Instead of telling your kids everything’s going to be okay, say, ‘Yes, people are losing their jobs, but we’re going to be okay. We have savings and a house we can make payments on for a long time.’ Provide true assurance. But another big mistake is …"

2. Speaking too soon

“Keep quiet until you have specific plans and never say never. It’s all about credibility. If you say to your kid, ‘I’m never going to lose my job,’ or ‘We’ll always live in this city,’ you might not be able to make good on that promise. Your kids take what you say to be absolute truth. So only guarantee what you can, like ‘Our family will stick this out together,’ or ‘I will always be here for you.’ Then as soon as you have specific information regarding your family’s future, share it with your kids. But toe the line between truth and secrecy. Decide what they need to know and what will scare them. If you’re divorced, make sure you and your ex stick to a unified message. If one parent says, ‘We’ll never move,’ and the other says, ‘We might have to move,’ it’s confusing. Get together and decide what you’re both telling your child.”

3. Not validating your child’s anger

“Say the worst happens. Daddy’s been laid off. Or there’s a job opportunity that requires you to move. Your child’s probably going to be scared, angry, or resentful. Acknowledge that, and let them express those feelings. Tell your child things like, ‘It’s natural to be scared about having to move,’ ‘You’re not going to feel this way forever,’ or ‘It might not seem like it right now, but everything’s going to be okay.’ As a leader of the family, don’t brush off your child’s bitterness toward change.”

As told to Andrea Zimmerman.

Expert: Jennifer Andrew, Humane Educator at the Best Friends Animal Society, mother of one, and proud owner of a dog and a cat.

1. Throwing In the Towel

“One issue I see a lot is that when people have a new baby, they often feel like they have to give up their pet. In certain cases, it probably is the best thing, but in most cases, it just takes a little bit of planning to make it work. When you know you’re going to have a baby, you need to make sure that your pet is well trained. Many people, when they come home, let the dog jump up on them or roughhouse with them. If you don’t have a baby, it’s not a big deal, but once the baby comes it is. If you’re holding the baby and the dog jumps up on you, suddenly, the dog is getting yelled at and it doesn’t understand why. So you need to plan ahead and do some basic training. Make sure the dog can sit, stay, and follow basic commands. You need to interact with your pet as though you had a baby in the house already. If you don’t want your pet to behave a certain way when the baby is around, start teaching your pet that during your pregnancy.”

2. Not Preparing The Pet for Change

“You can also help your pet to adjust by getting him used to a baby’s sounds and smells. Before you bring the baby home, you usually have the baby’s room and furniture set up. You should let your pet smell all of the new stuff. This is particularly helpful with cats. Let your cat or dog go in and walk around and smell everything — all of the new furniture, clothes and products. It’s good, because you’re telling your pet that something new is going to be coming in and it will keep him from getting jealous. Don’t, however, let him lay in the crib or on the baby blankets, because you don’t want him to think it’s okay to do once the baby is there. Another helpful thing is to buy a CD of baby sounds. You can put it on and gradually increase the volume so that your pet can get used to the sounds of whining and crying. My husband and I did this before our daughter was born. As it turned out, my dog was fine with the noise, but my husband and I were both like, ‘Oh no! Turn it off!’ It was good preparation for us too!”

3. Letting Pets in the Crib

“Sometimes I read in the different parenting forums things like, ‘Our cat loves our baby. She sleeps next to her all the time.’ This really scares me. You never, ever want to leave any animal alone with a baby. Your cat should never sleep with your baby, because a cat can accidentally smother an infant. There can also be severe allergic reactions at that age. Other people will think, ‘My dog loves people, so it’s okay to leave him in the room with the baby for just a minute,’ but it’s not true. Dogs don’t recognise babies as human beings for the first few months of their lives. For some reason, the baby’s smell is different than an adult’s and a newborn also sounds like an injured rabbit. This can spark an animal’s prey drive, even in an otherwise calm dog. When you are in the room with the dog and the baby, make sure that the baby is always higher, physically, than the dog. You want the dog to know that the baby is dominant over him. Having pets and kids together can be a great experience. You just always want to err on the side of caution with how you handle it.”

As told to Lindsay Armstrong.

Expert: Dr. Stacey M. Rosenfeld

1. The “Do as I Say, Not as I Do” Approach

Many young women who develop full-blown eating disorders often report that their mothers (or other close family members) were either lifelong dieters or had clinical eating disorders — children tend to model what they see. For the regular dieter, it is important to understand the impact that this can have on your children. They will learn by observing you that it is important to restrict food, that some foods are good and others are bad, that some weights/shapes are acceptable and others are not. These are dangerous messages to send.

Mothers may want to take a look at their behaviours — including how they talk about food and their bodies in front of their daughters — and aim to present a healthier, more inclusive approach for their daughters and for themselves. Ditch your scales, or if you feel you cannot, weight yourself only once a week and try to do so when your children are not around. Like it or not, we live in a culture that values thinness and willpower, among other things. However, in the home, parents can combat these cultural messages rather than support them.

2. Focusing on Weight Rather than Health

Many parents label certain foods as “fattening” and discourage their children from eating them — they’ll communicate to their children that “fast food makes you fat,” or that having that extra cookie after dinner, on a regular basis, could cause you to gain weight. When you talk to your children about food, focus on the foods’ effects on health, rather than weight. Say things like, “Vegetables contain vitamins which make us healthy” rather than “eating vegetables won’t make you gain weight.” Take the same approach towards exercise. Encourage frequent activity and focus on how exercise can help make our bodies stronger and healthier, rather than on the impact it has on weight-loss or -control.

3. Hiding the Cookie Jar

Too often, parents limit their children’s intake of certain foods, connoting that only certain foods are acceptable to eat (e.g., fruit good, lollies bad). While vegetables are certainly more nutritious than candy, treats can be acceptable as well. Refrain from classifying foods as good or bad. Allow children to eat all foods, including sweets, in moderation. The more we restrict a certain food, the more likely it is for our children to put too much value on that food — which can eventually backfire over time. This can lead, for example, to children overvaluing desserts and overdoing it later on in life.

As told to Lindsay Armstrong.

Expert: Dr. Janet Stockheim, paediatrician and author of the parenting guide to infants, Nothing But Newborn.

1. Not Reading Up

Every time I was rounding in the hospital nursery or when I had a newborn in the office, I found that parents asked the same questions over and over again. A lot of the questions pertained to things like normal newborn rashes, droopy eyes, or nasal congestion — things that most newborns have. The parents knew everything about all of the brand name strollers, but very few had thought much about the basics of baby care. There are so many resources out there and parents need to do the reading. I don’t think that they should just expect it to all come naturally, because it doesn’t. Use your pediatrician as a resource. Ask one more question if you have one more question!

2. Fear of Change

One thing I often notice with newborns and babies up through six months of age is that they have flat heads. We recommend that babies sleep on their backs for SIDS prevention, so moms I guess tend to put their babies in the crib always in the same position. Because of this, the baby always falls onto the same part of her skull. Months down the line, she has a flat area in the skull. Parents have to remember to reposition their babies, to face them in the other direction or to put something stimulating on the other side of the crib. You can also, when they’re not sleeping, put them on their tummies. A lot of mums are hesitant to put babies on their tummies, but that takes the pressure off of the baby’s skull.

3. Not Sucking It Up

Babies sneeze quite a bit during the newborn period, with all of the fluid from the in utero environment and all of the milk spit up that gets deposited in the back of the nose. Babies really need to have a very free and clear nasal passage in order to feed well and be comfortable. If the nose is not completely free, they may have trouble feeding or even sleeping. Parents are very hesitant to use saline drops and to suction their baby’s nose. I find myself constantly, in the office, doing it for them. The baby will cry, but in the end it makes him much more comfortable. Parents feel like it’s something they should only do if the baby has a cold but really babies frequently have things in their nasal passages, so use the suction whenever you hear that nasal congestion and the baby will be much happier.

Interview by Lindsay Armstrong

Expert: Robin McClure, author of the About.com Guide To Child Care blog.

1. Location, Location, Location

Obviously, it’s important to find a childcare option that works within your schedule and budget; however, I think one of the very common mistakes I see is deciding based on logistics, like location, only. If you find something convenient to home or work you might think, “That’s it. That’s the perfect childcare option for me.” You know, it’s great for your schedule; it’s right by your home, but that doesn’t mean that it’s quality care. Similarly, it’s not always true that you get what you pay for. Sometimes you can find fabulous care on the cheap. Somebody may have a low rate and be a fabulous provider. However, choosing for cost alone is obviously a big mistake.

2. Going on Reputation Alone

In a lot of areas, there is that coveted childcare place that everyone talks about. You may have to enroll your child from the time he or she is born in order to get a spot. I actually went through this. I put my son on a waiting list and I was so excited when he got in because this center was so prestigious. It didn’t take long for me to figure out that there really wasn’t the need for my son to be there.

What I’ve learned from the process of finding care for my three kids is that no single type of childcare will meet the needs of all children. Make sure that the childcare you choose is reputable, but also consider the specific needs of your child and yourself. Even if you have a provider who you love, I would recommend frequent evaluations, because your needs may change and your child’s needs may change. The caregiver who is right for your child when he’s one may not be the right caregiver for your child when he’s four.

3. Rushing Into a Decision

You want time to do your research. Find out references and talk to other parents who have kids at this facility. Make a list ahead of time of what questions to ask. What things are important to you? You want to interview the person who is in charge and talk to one of the teachers, but also, see if you can drop in to observe. You shouldn’t have to be taken on a carefully guarded, escorted tour of the facility.

Same thing if you’re hiring a sitter to come to your home. Once you have found someone and done all of the background checks and gotten all of the references; before you leave your children at home with this person, do a test run. Arrange a time when you’re still at home and the babysitter is watching the children. Do this at least the first time. It’s a big decision. We live in a world where you have to be very careful and very vigilant.

Interview by Lindsay Armstrong

Expert: Lorie Marrero professional organizer, founder of The Clutter Diet and author of The Clutter Diet: The Skinny on Organizing Your Home and Taking Control of Your Life.

1. Unpremeditated cleaning.

People will say, “I want to organize this closet or this laundry room.” Then they just jump in. Their mistake is not thinking the project through first.

Before you start, you need to ask yourself, “How is this space used? Who is using this space? What are we trying to do in here? What are the major functions of this room and how can we include those in the space? Can we make a zone for each of those different functions?” In a laundry room, for example, the functions would be washing and drying, folding and ironing. You need to think about and plan for how each function will fit into the space so that when you’re finished the project, the space isn’t just clean, it’s organized for living.

With parents in particular, they often fail to think about their kids and how the kids might be interacting in that space. Do you need to put certain things up higher to keep them out of the kids’ reach? Do you need to put other things down lower so kids will be able to reach them? What can kids do to help in this room? For example if it is a laundry room, make sure kids are able to reach the shelf where their things are stored so that they can grab them and put them away.

2. Failing to see all of your storage options.

In many homes there are “hidden” storage spaces. One of the things we say all of the time is “Go vertical.” You need to look at your space in a different way. If you have a bare wall, why don’t you have shelves on that wall? If you have a closet with existing shelves, do you have the maximum number of shelves that you could have in there? Could you put an extra shelf up top? Stretch it as far as it goes. Go all the way to the ceiling!

3. Allowing the toys to take over.

First of all, when it comes to toys, people over-purchase. People have just an excess of toys. I remember growing up; we would only get toys on our birthday and Christmas. Now, many kids just expect that they’re going to have new toys whenever they want them. When we work with our clients we see this a lot. If there’s scarcity, people tend to appreciate things more. One of the ways to create some scarcity is to rotate the toys. You can take a bunch of the toys and put them on a high shelf somewhere in a box. Every few months, take those boxed toys down. Rotate them in and take some others out. Making the toy choices more limited not only helps the play area stay less cluttered, it also helps the kids feel better about their space. It makes them feel more appreciative of what they have and helps them to not feel so overwhelmed by all of the choices.

We also find that the toys don’t usually stay in the designated area, so we recommend putting a basket in every room where the kids play a lot. For example, if you have a kitchen area where they like to hang out with mom, have a basket near the door in that room. That way, you can easily gather those toys up and toss them in that basket. Then at some later point, like once a week, take all of those baskets and put them back in the central toy area.

Really, the benefit of organizing is that it smooths the way for you to be able to go and do all of those things that you want to do with your life, instead of having your belongings slow you down.

Interview by Lindsay Armstrong